On Being Unattached to a Specific Outcome

In my own experience, I’ve learned that whenever I expect certain “results” to manifest in a certain way, or even for something to happen on my allotted timeline, they never turn out to be exactly as I planned (or when I planned them). Hexagram 20 of the I-Ching (“Contemplation”), teaches us to detach from the situation in order to have a greater influence, or positive effect: “The power of influencing others is increased by detachment and inner-independence, and diminished by attachment and doubt”. As individuals with different desires, goals, and aversions, it is natural for us to make highly detailed plans and roadmaps, and set schedules accordingly so that our “manifestations” can occur. If I “force” results, I usually hit a brick wall and the plan either fizzles, or delightfully takes another direction, even greater than what I had planned originally. For instance, I was so determined to study acting and find work in the arts in LA, that it blew up in my face. Not a day would go by that I wouldn’t be applying for different jobs or internships, to no avail. After a year and a half of misery and frustration, I finally gave up and moved to Orange County, where I had the opportunity to reevaluate my life and catch my breath. Luckily, after I moved to Orange County and reflected upon my “awful” experience in LA, I realized that I wasn’t meant to be in LA (it was a toxic environment for me and I could not grow or thrive there without being negatively affected by the hyper competitive, agenda-driven narcissists and megalomaniacs). Being in LA was just a means to get me to move to Orange County, where immediately doors began to open for me. Within a month of moving, I met the love of my life, and things just naturally fell into place. The strife of day to day living in LA, combined with struggling to find a job in a highly competitive field and achieving no results, took a toll on me. Sometimes the universe tries to tell us, “not now”, or “not here”, and we have to listen. Sometimes it is ok to admit that something is not working, and to try another path. Moving out of LA and to Orange County helped shift my perspective on what I wanted out of life. It made me realize that I wanted to be in a place that values true connection, friendship, and family values. Places really do have vibrations and frequencies that match the collective energy of the people that inhabit them. LA’s vibration of success, fame, and glamour, although enticing, lacked moral values of integrity, altruism, and plain human kindness (also it notoriously lacked the value of true friendship). It’s no wonder I was not thriving or growing there! Not to mention, being surrounded by narcissists and social climbers was getting quite old. This isn’t to say that moving to Orange County solved all of my problems (this also isn’t a hate fest on LA). In realizing that I needed to stop pursuing the “LA life” and try a different path, I changed the trajectory of my life completely. Since moving to Orange County, I’ve tried on a few different careers, and have gotten three professional certificates (and counting).

I’ve started a podcast, this blog, and launched my youtube channel. I am also within a 15 minute drive from both my best friend and boyfriend, and am blessed with an awesome roommate as well. Living here in comparison to LA is like night and day, and it’s as if I can finally flourish and develop into the person I’m destined to be.

In the wise words of a good friend of mine, being fixated on a desired outcome prevents you from living in the now. When you step out of your own way, things flow, and you become an open channel to receive gifts from the universe, or higher power.

We self-sabotage ourselves when we are so laser-focused on the results of a specific outcome that we neglect to benefit from the fruits of our journey. This is true for both career and affairs of the heart.

“Do not push the river--it flows by itself”

--Chinese Proverb